Things change. Sometimes beyond our control in ourselves, sometimes in others. Though we may like it or not. They just do.
This elicits a very important point for everyone if tracked the behavior of change. “It is dynamic and out of our control”. We can't stop “change” from “changing” just like we can't stop time from moving ahead. It's a universal truth that at some point of our life we all have to realize. But the most important part it is to “remember” it and then never forget.
To me time has shown many faces of itself in the recent past. On some instances it has made me think of myself. Sometimes others. But mostly myself.
Sometime earlier I knew myself and others enough to conclude that I am different. I am different from the rest of the society. I used to be highly self-restraint and thoughtful over petty things which I observed normally people ignoring. But I couldn't.
My mistake? I faltered at thinking what normally people do is what makes them normal people. I was the odd man out who in every step of his life has to fight or camouflage persistently to be a part of the “traditional family picture”. You know, no one wants to be drawing an emotion on his face different than the rest.
So it was my quest now. To become a normal person. (You won't believe, at one time I even thought I was not a human. Getting the point of my screwed up brain???)
I knew how normal people were. I was full on with my research. I felt superior to normal people on all those levels where it counts. But that's the err. I couldn't figure it out that I am a perfectly normal person myself and that too with a demeanor that commands respect like only other few notable public faces.
In the emotional part of my life, my behavior was unlike anyone else. Very different. I always knew I was a highly sensitive and emotional person. And that was something I had always tried to keep in control since the time my understanding about people popped wings.
It was just those events that usually affected people emotionally never affected me in the same way. You question yourself if this is the way how you should feel encountering such a situation. It feels worse when you feel it makes you a cold person.
Company of dissimilar people also hurt or sometimes it brings that person from within you from which you have been running all this time. That highly emotional and sensitive personality who can't survive the wrath of this present day.
What could have happened? I was ripped off from within with surprising force and meticulous deceit.
There was a time I used to console others in problem when they asked me, “Why this happened with me?”. I used to say, “it happens, cause it is happening”. Today I have none to say that to me but me.
Though I have crossed the addictive waterfall of great immense fury, yet I have to find a bank to land on.
I dream for a day in which a cute little sparrow comes chipper, to support the directionless floating twig (me) picking it for its nest.
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