If you ask me why I am behaving like this, I have only one answer, I have lost a control that had kept me ticking in the worst of situations. A control that inspired me to go past the hurdles of a future. Today when I don't have it, I feel blind.
I am also alone, none to show me the way in this darkness. Still I am hanging on cause I believe time is the substance that heals the wound no matter how deep they find shelter inside your head. At a time when I am badly indecisive I have decided to keep my faith intact in it. But I guess it's my patience that has really been brutally raped under the circumstances that prevailed in my recent past.
Today I was reading something about "Writer's block", it was informative. I got to know that why I am suffering at least if not about writer's block. The time I lost myself was a time you can call the "golden ere" of my life. I was out right confident about whatever I was doing and was going to do. I knew people, loved them, carried myself in the utmost dignified manner and all without a trace of self-doubt.
In those levels of mental self-content you get inspiration from the silliest of words to pen down a few words for it. At that I time I was sure I knew myself and to an extent in which I can say, I also could read people. Knowing others starts from knowing yourself well and I knew myself very well. Of course unlike today.
I don't know what will bring me solace. May be a cry of white crystal tears or a helping hand on my shoulder from behind, but I know one thing for sure, it is sometimes now a days very difficult for me to understand how things work. Something I used to understand with reliable fluidity. I acknowledge that today is severely harsh on my emotional health but time outstretches hands for a future definitely better than this as evidenced by my own will and left self belief.
"Right now I am just that plank of wood that floats on the surface of a river, uncontrolled, in search of the bank."
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