Your logic sometimes defies believing the way which life adapts to show you your way ahead in itself, to pull you out of the twisters of chaos that you have made for yourself. It gives you a hard push ahead from where there is no turning back. Suddenly everything seems so very clear and divine that was not before. All the mist covering your sight fade away and your skin feel the soft warmth of the sun. But all this come with a cost. Life steals away certain precious emotions to lend you the path to walk upon. Just for a taste, suppose you are stripped off your laughing muscles so that you can’t even give a smile. You will see moments of sheer elation passing in front of you while you can’t even help yourself to greet them with a little smile of yours. Soon enough you will start hating yourself for it and this will make your life a living hell with a little of a smile to share for tonnes of happiness. Just imagine the situation.
It all starts when at a certain stage of adolescence you start building your own perspective about this mysteriously decorated world. In my adolescence even I forged these weird ideas about 'life, destiny, luck’ and all such unholy thoughts. I could feel a strange curiosity in finding what the abstract creature called destiny has in store for me. I have always believed that we all have been sent into this world with a job to be done. This gives my whole life a feel so important that was never before; neither to others nor to myself. So I started to find out what qualities this world has cultivated in me and for my surprise I could find so many of them.
But as it happens, to choose one from many good things around, you are put into deep dilemma. You can't decide which one to give a game. Then you ponder over the best things those goodies have so as to serve the best for yourself, but you end it all up trapped in the cobweb of uncertain possibilities that they show for the future. If you ask me, you can't even find the best thing for yourself now; leave the family responsibility aside that someday would fall over these shaky shoulders. Then you if think over it, you get depressed, irritated and show up like you are the weakest link in the whole planet. You behave like you have done enough with this life and want to leave it for people who really enjoy it to its roots.
I can't say I really relish these moments of penniless thinking while still in the waking mode, where this moment thing become long enough to stretch forever. Hours pass by from under the sleeves without even the faintest of signs. You forget the knowledge of time that you have nurtured all these years while getting to this age. All words like consciousness, sense of touch, responsibility, feelings for your closets all leave your body and leave you alone in the midst of a flood of sheer hopelessness. They stand at the bank and jeer at you saying, “Face the music that you yourself invented”. At first you dwell upon their words trying to convince yourself that you have not done it but all end with you getting convinced with their verses. Then you find yourself hanging with a rock surrounded with water drenched with the tears of pessimistic souls. You cry, howl for help, but only to find others mocking at your situation, 'others' whom you have given their birth; you feel betrayed. And when no one comes for help you seek solace with the violent but soothingly cool, slitting but comfortingly soft water that surrounds you. The out of nowhere a sound protrudes from the river saying, “Never will I leave you, UNTILL YOU LEAVE YOUR LIFE (in a husky tone)”. With these words you live every bit of the unending seconds waiting and watching your fear moulding into an unearthly joy that attracts you towards itself. You find your life so far away while the lovable death in such a close intimacy.
Whom to believe upon? With whom destiny share my bloodline? Is it with the death that loves me the most and promises to be faithful or with life which stands at the riverside making a mockery of me after the betrayal? Whom to choose? Or has destiny chosen it already for me. What should I do? Choose life for its perfidiousness or death for its faithfulness.
It’s a question to all of you to find for yourself. To make your own very decision and stand behind it providing it the strength it requires. “A good decision tastes success only when backed by enormous strength”.
Well!!! If you ask me, “I will wait for the right moment and just fly, just fly out of it”.
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